Daddyball

Daddyball.  You may or may not have heard this term before, but you probably can guess what it means.  It is a term used to reference dads who coach their kids’ teams and show favoritism to their kids.  However, there are a couple of different perspectives to consider about this term.

First of all, there are daddyballers out there, so let’s get that out of the way.  Most of the time, they coach to ensure that their son or daughter gets a “fair” chance to participate.  Translation:  They are concerned that that their son or daughter will either be treated unfairly by another daddyballer coach or that they may have less talent than other kids and daddy wants to make sure they get to play.  The problem with daddyball is that parents and other coaches typically see right through this.  It can be painfully obvious if a coach has his son or daughter playing first base and they struggle to catch the ball.  It not only hurts the team in the game, but it also damages their morale and could hurt the confidence of some of the other kids.  It also damages the credibility of the coach. 

Kids who play for a daddyballer have a way of knowing what’s going on and it creates a sense in them of resentment toward the coach’s child, causes frustration because they know that no matter how hard they work, they will not play this position, and it may turn them off the sport of choice.  Daddyballer teams tend to have more unhappy parents than the average team does.  Their teams also tend to struggle in competition. 

Some daddyballers are thrust into coaching roles and were not initially looking to coach.  There are some cases in which the league or organization is short on coaches and the options are to cajole parents into coaching or turn away kids.  There are some dads who are volunteering their time to coach so their kid and teammates can simply have a team and opportunity to play.  These dads mean well and are probably doing their best, but may have a hard time separating themselves from being a dad and a coach.  They may also have limited practice time and they are more aware of their own son or daughter’s capability in certain game situations than they may be of other kids’.  Therefore, they lean on their kids more in these situations. 

Then there are dads who coach and are so concerned with the appearance of being a daddyballer that they are harder on their child than other kids and may not have their child in a key position, although the child is the best at the position.  This is pretty much the inverse of the dad who just wants his kid to be the star.  These dads know their kid is the best at the position, but want to make sure they do not come across as playing favorites.  When I first started coaching, this was a huge concern of mine and I admit to being guilty of this.  But guess what?  This form of daddyball can also be detrimental to the team – and yes, I learned that the hard way.

So, for parents and coaches, what can be done to prevent daddyballing? 

For parents, I have a couple of suggestions, but there are no guarantees that either will work – it just depends on the personality of the coach and if your perception of the situation is accurate.

1 – Speak to the coach outside of practice and in private about your concerns.  Confronting him or her in front of other parents, coaches, or players will most likely put the coach on the defensive.  Do not come across as accusing or attacking, but be honest about your perception of the situation.  Then be willing to listen.  He or she may have a logical explanation, or they may be in need of assistance.  Are you willing to offer your assistance in order to provide a solution?  You need to be able to answer that before approaching the coach.

2 – Speak to the organization or league administration about the situation.  This should not be done unless you have already approached the coach and tried to work things out at that level.  If you still believe there is preferential treatment going on, then you may want to politely escalate your concern.  But understand that you may not see the results from this that you really want.

The best thing you can do as a parent, regardless of whether you try either of these options, is to be supportive and encouraging of your child and use the situation as a teaching moment for life lessons.  Life is not fair and there will be times in your child’s life that he or she is treated unfairly. They need to know how to deal with this on their own and they will not learn this if you are fighting their battles for them.  I would never advocate allowing them to quit an activity because of this, unless the daddyballing created some sort of unsafe situation.

For coaches, I strongly recommend having a fair and impartial system to evaluate ability levels and allow parents to watch the evaluation activities.  They can see for themselves who has better capabilities at certain activities.  It also is recommended to have assistant coaches who help you with the evaluations.

On our youth football team this season, we had such evaluations.  Parents could watch at practice and we, as coaches, took notes on each player and each evaluation.  After practice, we coaches went to a restaurant to compare notes and to see how each of us graded out each player.  We spent two and a half hours going through each player and each position.  Once we were finished, we knew we had determined position assignments to the best of our abilities and as fairly as possible.  Of course, you can always make tweaks and changes as you see the players’ effort in practice and their performances in scrimmages and games.  It is quite freeing as a coach to know that you’ve done all you can do to be fair and impartial with your position assignments.  It also makes it much easier to defend your decisions if you are questioned.

So how did we do with our assessments?  We had one parent (who chose not to watch the evaluations) who expressed concern that they felt their child was in a wrong position. Other than that, we had no issues that we were aware of regarding this.  Oh yeah, we finished the season 10-2 and played for the league championship.

Best of luck to you as parents if you have a daddyball situation to deal with and best of luck to you as coaches who try to do things in a fair and impartial way.